Jokes in the Third Reich

[Panzermahn]

Hi

I remember this joke that was said by Hitler to a woman during a visit at Eagle Nest, Berghof but I can't recall the exact one but it's something like this:

"Do you know what is the difference between ampere and voltage, right? A Goebbels is the amount of lie a man can talk in an hour and a Göring is the amount of metal that could be pinned to a man's chest. You got it?"

There also a joke on the Dönitz's Flensburg Government which goes something like this,

The Flensburg Government? All you need is a microphone, a telex and a couple of guards....

Panzermahn

[Trackhead M2]

Q. Who put the last bullet in the Duce's body as it was hanging in the plaza?

A. Three dozen expert Italian riflemen.

This came from a good friend whose family is Italian and whose grandmother still had positive things to say about Il Duce.

Dear FWG,
Were the "Italians" serving in the Italian Army or the US Army? It seems when we fight as Americans we do pretty good.

But back to humor; Not a German Joke but a WW 2 one, A company cook on Guadalcanal went to see the 1st Sergeant when the word came down that the Marines were being relieved by the Army and the cook said to the 1st Sergeant, Top I've cooked since we landed, how can I go home and not be able to say I shot at some J*ps, help me. The 1st Sergeant says, alright I'll send you up to the OP on the ridge tonight. When you get there and in the foxhole shout "F*ck Hirohito" and when a J*p pops up open fire. The cook says thanks Top. The next morning the cook comes down from the ridge. The 1st Sergeant asks him, did you shout "F*ck Hirohito" while you on OP duty last night? The cook says yes. Then the 1st Sergeant asks, did you get a shot at a J*p? The cook looks and the ground and says no. The 1st Sergeant says why? Then the cook says, well Top, I did just like you said but when I shouted "F*ck Hirohito" that crazy J*p shouted back "F*ck Roosevelt". The 1st Sergeant says ,Ok but why didn't you shoot him? The cook says I couldn't shoot a fellow Republican.
Strike Swiftly,
TH-M2

[FortWorthGuy]

Dear Trackhead M2: they were probably not the Italian army...they were partisans if I were to guess.

FWG

[Trackhead M2]

Dear Trackhead M2: they were probably not the Italian army...they were partisans if I were to guess.

FWG

Dear FWG,
I had a Great Grandfather who was a WW 1 Italian Army Sniper. I qualified as Sharpshooter, but that was here in the States.
Strike Swiflty,
TH-M2

[Max]

And again

[Max]

While reseaching for some ideas for my JOKE CHALLENGE in The LOUNGE**, I came across this book which deals with (among other things) anti German jokes in Norway during WW11.
http://books.google.com.au/books?id=ONS ... er&f=false


**
http://forum.axishistory.com/viewtopic. ... 8#p1723068

[KACKO]

Cleaning lady is cleaning apartment of Teacher in Nazi Germany and on the table is globe. So she ask teacher to show her Third Reich.
It is right here, and he covers it wit his index finger.
Thank you Sir.
An where is bolshevik Russia, our enemy?
That's this huge pink area.
That's really huge.
And plutocratic England?
This red small spots, and all other red areas are England Dominions and colonies.
Ahaaaa.
And America?
That's this blue area from Atlantic to Pacific.
Ahaaaa.
I have one more question Sir, cleaning lady said to teacher.
What is it?
Does Fuhrer have exactly same globe?

[KACKO]

Who was best electrian in Third Reich?
Hitler. In few years he isolated whole Germany.

[PF]

Postscript:
related link
http://forum.axishistory.com/viewtopic. ... 9&start=60

[GregSingh]

"Official" propaganda humor - From "Grischa und die Kultur" by Hans Karl ßreslauer, 1943.

[..]
"Grisha, can you tell me what 'Culture' is?"
"Yes - you see - this is not easy to explain, Ivan Ivanovich... culture... culture is, if one for example has a clock - a watch perhaps - or - a ring - a silver ring".
"Have we?" said Ivan Ivanovich. "No, I do not" Grisha said shaking his head.
"Grisha, but the German soldiers, who have such things... Yes ... they all have watches...beautiful watches...They have 'Culture' as well!"
"What?" - Grisha made a dismissive gesture. "You'll have to see a People's Commissar I once met. He had ten hand watches, five silver and a gold clock - and rings so many as you want - he saved the 'Culture'! - You see, Ivan Ivanovich, and that's why we will fight!"

[GregSingh]

One of the last "unofficial" jokes in the Third Reich:

- How to get from East Front to West Front?
- By tram!

(Or streetcar, so nobody from US is offended...)

[winterlight]

Just found this one in the 1933-1941 volume of I Will Bear Witness by Klemperer - "The tour of inspection of devastated London: "We've arrived." -- "Not yet. That's Bremen."

[Ludwig Wittgenstein]

One of my favourite anecdotes of a wartime joke, as mentioned in Anthony Beevor's book 'D-Day' - a section of German soldiers are on the retreat from the Calvados region of Normandy, France.. they are talking and getting drunk on the locally produced cider (also known as Calvados) ... one of them raises his bottle and quips, "well, at least Calvados is still in German hands"

[David W]

Good one!

Cider = Cidre.
Apple Brandy = Calvados.

[GregSingh]

Came across anti-war pamphlet from 1944:

Hitler siegt für uns - Goebbels lügt für uns
Göring fliegt für uns - Himmler stürmt für uns
Ley frisst für uns - Weber saust für uns
Wagner stirbt für uns - Hess bittet für uns

Hitler ohne Frau
Deutschland ohne Sau
München ohne Bier
Arbeiten wie ein Stier.

Kartoffeln ohne Fett
Um 8 Uhr ins Bett
Arsch kaum warm
Dann Fliegeralarm.

Bis in die Früh
Milch ein Achtel Liter
Aber den ganzen Tag
Heil Hitler!

Roughly:

Hitler wins for us - Goebbels lies for us
Goering flies for us - Himmler strikes for us
Ley eats for us - Weber hurtles for us
Wagner dies for us - Hess begs for us

Hitler without a woman
Germany without a ?
Munich without beer
Working like a bull.

Potatoes without fat
At 8 clock to bed
Ass barely warm
Then air raid alarm.

Until the morning
Milk one-eighth liter
But throughout the day
Heil Hitler!