Jokes in ww2?

[G. Trifkovic]

HAHAH,Tom,we have the same one with the forrester!

Cheers,

GAius

[tom_deba]

rommel_gaj - it seems to me that this joke is an element of our part of Europe' "heritage".

regards

tom

[tom_deba]

Shooltrip is visiting Nazi Holokaust camp in Auschwitz-Birkenau. The teacher that conducts the trip is talking about the camp, prisoners, their testimonies...
- Mrs. Teacher, my grandfather told me much about that camp! - said little John.
- Oh! John! It must have been the most terrible time of his life. He must have suffered here much! I am sure that he was killed by that cruel Nazis, isn't it!!!
- No, he died as he fell off the a guard tower because he was drunk...

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The teacher is asking children in the school what their family mambers had been doing during the Second World War.
Children are very happy as they can boast of their family achievements. Teacher is asking her pupils about that.
Little Joanne says: My grandfather was a member of Polish resistance!
- Oh! He was a hero! We know, children, that many persons from our coutry fought against occupants. Could you bring his photographs on the next lesson? - teacher asked.
Little Mark says: My grandmother was forced to work in Germany!! She worked there 4 years.
- You have to know, children, that many people had to work or were forced to do it in order to survive the war... - teacher asked.
Little John says: My father was electrician during the war!
- Electrician? Was he employeed in German company, factory? - teacher asked.
- I do not know Madam. His job was very stange. He wore big metal hat where 2 thunders were painted...

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1944-1945 - liberated Poland. Polish garrison is recruiting Polish volunteers to serve in Polish Army and fight against Germans. Order is issued for volunteers that they can only take some small personal things to the barracks.
One of the soldiers was caring a huge door-frame from his house!
- Have I told you soldiers that only small valuable things can be taken???!!! - Seargent shouted.
- OK. I know...but, but.. it is invaluable...I can not open a beer without it.
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Russian soldier is doing a hole in the ground.
- What are you doing, Sir? - someone asked.
- I am making a hole because the officer said that he neeeded my picture that would show my bust.
- OK. But why did you dig six holes.
- The officer needs 6 good pictures.

_________________

Difference between chaplain and Gestapo officer?
Chaplain says: GOD WILL GO WITH YOU.
Gestapo officer says: YOU WILL GO WITH US.

________________

Young German student managed to collect some money and he wanted to spend it by going to the foreign country for the trip.
Student went to his grandfather because he could not decided which country to choose.

- You should visit Russia (then USSR)! I will never forget that country!!! Beautiful women, wine, wonderful views, fantastic souvenirs, champaign, vodka...... - grandfather responded.

After the trip young German went to his granfather again - then dissapointed.
- It was the worst trip I have ever attended to!!!! There was no wine nor beautiful women, etc.....!!!!!!!! Am I furious! I spent a lot of money which have been wasted!!!
- Calm down! calm down! - grandfather encouraged him. Asnwer me the question. Who did you go to the Russia with?
- It was organised by "Germany-Travel"!!! - young German replied.
- So that solves your question! When I was going to Russia it was with von Kleist!!!

__________________

In 30's in small parish school in Germany priest is asking the question addressed to the children.
- Do you know what is the name of the very little small book that give us the strenght in our faith, solves our problems and makes our life easier and fruitful?
- It must be NSDAP membership card!!! - children replied collectively.

________________

Speaker at the local communist meeting in liberated Poland in 1944:
- Do you know my dear people that within 5 years we will build real communist system in Poland?
One of the people stood up and said:
- I am not afraid. I suffer seriously from a cancer.

_____________

Russian and Western European try to compare their living standarts/conditions.
- I have 3 beautiful cars. One is driven by me to my work, the second is used by my wife, and the third we use to visit neighbouring countries. - said Western European.
- Ooooooooooo! I see you have better financial situation than me! I have only 2 cars. One is used by me, the second by my wife-Russian replied.
- Whose car do you use to visit neighbouring countries? - Western European asked.
- ......We used to visit neighbouring countries by using the tanks.

[Juha Tompuri]

I've always liked this German Normandy joke about planes:
Question: How can you tell a German plane from an Allied plane?
Answer: If it's black, it's British. If it's silver, it's American. If it's not there, it's German.

Another variant is the German plane is invisible.

If it's blue, it's British. If it's silver, it's American. If it's invisible, it's ours!

A Finnish Winter War version goes about so:
"How can you tell a Soviet plane from a our own?
Answer: if there are two or more, they are Soviet, if one or less they are own"

Russian and Western European try to compare their living standarts/conditions.
- I have 3 beautiful cars. One is driven by me to my work, the second is used by my wife, and the third we use to visit neighbouring countries. - said Western European.
- Ooooooooooo! I see you have better financial situation than me! I have only 2 cars. One is used by me, the second by my wife-Russian replied.
- Whose car do you use to visit neighbouring countries? - Western European asked.
- ......We used to visit neighbouring countries by using the tanks.

A soviet (state farm worker) and a US farmer were bragging about their farms:
The American said: "my ranch is so big that it take the whole day to drive around it's borders by a car"
The Soviet replied: "we too have such cars"

Regards, Juha

[Eden Zhang]

A soviet (state farm worker) and a US farmer were bragging about their farms:
The American said: "my ranch is so big that it take the whole day to drive around it's borders by a car"
The Soviet replied: "we too have such cars"

I don't know why, but for some reason that cracked me up

[G. Trifkovic]

Tom,we have the same nr. 1 and 2,only the nr. 2 goes like this:

Teacher asks the kids one day what were their cousins doing during the war.Little Perica (often name in jokes-"Little Peter") answers proudly:"My grandpa was Ucitelj (teacher)-he wore big golden "U" (Ustasha emblem)on his cap...

Hehe,haven't heard it for some time...

GAius

[G. Trifkovic]

Another few :

Back in the old days (till 1990) little kids brag about whose cousin was a better partisan. Perica says:"My grandpa definitely-once he saved fifty partisans!" -"How?" -"His machine-gun jammed..."

Day in class (pre 1990.).Teacher asks the pupils about the glorious past.Perica's turn. "- Who were the partisans,Perice?" -"Brave heroes who fought until the last drop of blood to liberate our country from vicious Germans and bring us freedom and prosperity." "-Excellent,Perice! Now,how were the Chetniks?" "-Aah,that's easy-one grandpa,and another,and their brothers,and their brother's children..."

Cheers,

GAius

[szopen]

POlish partisans were chased by Germans. They hide in well. German soldiers sat near the well and is thinking aloud.

"Were are thoe bastards?"
Echo from the well repeats "Were are those bastards... were are those..."
"Maybe they hide in barn?"
Echo repeats "Maybe they hide in barn.. maybe they hide in.."
"maybe they went to the forest?"
Echo: "Maybe they went to the forest... maybe they went..."
"Maybe they hide in the well?"
Echo: "Maybe they hide in the well.... maybe they hide..."
"And maybe I should throw a grenade into well?"
Echo "and maybe they went to the forest.. and maybe they went to the forest..."
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Kunikov or someone else from former USSR, post some jokes about Stirlitz please I always liked them

Hehehe and i saw a lot of jokes baout communism, not about WW2. I know A LOT of those. Should i post some or should i stick to the topic?

[Drobjatski Sergei]

Szopen,here you go...
Stirlitz was falling from the roof top, and with the help of a mirracle he clutched at a balcony. His miracle swelled and hurt.
BTW it's inposibble to translate some jokes about Shtirlitz, cause it's a punster on russian.

Regards
/Sergei

[SiG I]

Here's another genuine ww2 joke from Romania. (It was recorded by the Swiss envoy to Bucharest IIRC).

In a particularly crowded bus, a German officer steps on the foot of a Jew. Gripped by pain, the Jew hits the officer in the face. The rest of the passengers imediately jump on the German officer and beat him up. The police intervenes and disperses them. The police officer questions the Jew:
"How did you dare to hit a German officer!"
"Excuse me, Sir! but the pain was so great I couldn't restrain myself."
Turning towards the otehr passengers, he asks them:
"And you, why did you assault an officer of our glorious ally's army?"
Someone from the crowd replies:
"Sorry Sir! but when we saw a Jew slapping a German we tought the war was over!"

And a postwar Romanian joke:

Some kids talk about the war:
"You know", one of them says "duing the war, my Grandfather sent three Russian tanks runing"
"How did he do that?"
"Well, he ran away and the tanks followed him."

[ghost_dog]

Now few jokes about very courage french army

Why does governor of Paris banned any fireworks in city?
- because when someone was using them the city`s garrison was capitulating

How many French do you need to defend Paris?
- no one know because no one tried

How many gears does french tanks have?
- five - four backward and one forward in case of back attack

[Panzerfaust XxX]

Here is one I made up...

A Polish jew was freed from Auschwitz. He becomes a nazi hunter, and goes to Mexico with his wife to find a nazi hunter after a day he gives up. His wife asks him why he gave up so quick. He tells her: I have given up because this country is worse than Auschwitz ever was!

here is another thing one.

A American soldier finds a Russian soldier looking threw the pockets of a dead GI. The American asks "what are you looking for"

The Russian says: Im looking for a American visa!

[Polynikes]

Why are French roads lined with trees?

So German troops can march in the shade.

[Jeremy Chan]

These are ones I've read.
As the Russians were advancing upon Berlin in April 1945, a bitter joke went around the Volkssturm that it would take the enemy three hours for them to penetrate: 15 minutes to kick down the defences and 2 hrs 45 minutes laughing their heads off!


A Russian dies and goes to hell. There, he finds that there is a different hell for each country. He approaches the first hell he sees, the German hell. He asks the demon who's guarding it, "What happens in there?"
"For starters, they strap you to a bed of nails, pump you full of boiling water, pluck out your toenails and finally whip you for all eternity."

The Russian is appalled and checks out the Polish hell, asking the guard whatit contained. Receving the same answer, he went past all the other hells until he reached the Russian hell. There was an abnomally long queue there and he thus dedued it was more popular. He asked the guard there what it contained.
"They strap you to a bed of nails, pump you full of boiling water, pluck out your toenails and finally whip you for all eternity," the annoyed demon replied, having answered that question constantly.
"B-but that's the same thing they have in all the other hells! Why does this seem much more popular?" The Russian is shocked.
"True, true, but sometimes there aren't enough nails; there's a shortage of water; the pliers go missing and someone would've pinched the whip . . ."

[Galahad]

This isn't exactly a joke, but it's funny.

On 25 August 1942 the Japanese destroyer Mutsuki was bombed and sunk by B-17's near Guadalcanal. She is the first known warship sunk at sea by a B-17.

After he was rescued, her captain, Yasutake Shiro, is reported to have said "I always knew those things would sink a ship someday, but why did it have to be MY ship?"