Jokes in the Third Reich

Discussions on every day life in the Weimar Republic, pre-anschluss Austria, Third Reich and the occupied territories. Hosted by Vikki.
ChristopherPerrien
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Post by ChristopherPerrien » 23 Nov 2003 21:52

I can't remember how the joke went, but one of Germany's super/secret weapons was all the invisible airplanes the Luftwaffe had.

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Matt Gibbs
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naval flags

Post by Matt Gibbs » 23 Nov 2003 23:57

Is the one about the Italian Naval Battle Ensign contemporary to WW2, the White cross on a White background...?? :lol:

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Matt Gibbs

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Zeydlitz
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Post by Zeydlitz » 24 Nov 2003 15:41

My grandfather told me that towards the end of the war people would say that Göring would soon have to go on a diet if he was to fit in between the fronts!

Roderick
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Post by Roderick » 24 Nov 2003 16:36

From the British press in 1936:

An aryan is tall like Goebbels, slim like Göring, blonde like Hess and heroic like Hitler. :)

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Roderick

Karl da Kraut
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Post by Karl da Kraut » 24 Nov 2003 18:46

Hitler walks the streets of Berlin, in disguise, to check the real attitude of the ordinary people. He approaches a bystander and asks for his opinion about his plitics. However, the bystander rejects to answer: “Well, it could be dangerous to express one’s true opinion these days.” Hitler:”Trust me, I won’t say a word.” “O.k., but don’t let my neighbors know: I think the Führer is doing a fine job.”

Hitler walks into a Berlin winestore and demands a bottle of champaigne. The wine merchant replies: ”Excuse me, due to rationing and supply shortages none is avaiable.” Hitler: “But I know you everyone sells it under the counter.” Wine merchant: “That’s a lie!” Hitler (angry): “DON’T YOU RECOGNIZE ME?” I AM THE LIBERATOR OF EUROPE!” Wine merchant (enthusiastic, to his wife): “Elfi, bring two bottles of champaigne! Mr. Churchill is here!”

Shortly after an Anglo-American air raid Hans meets his old friend Fritz. Fritz is severly injuried. Hans: “Fritz, what happened? Was your bunker hit?” Fritz: “No.” Hans: "Struck by fragments of debris?" Fritz: "No." Hans: "AA splinters?" Fritz: “No.” Hans: "What the hell happened to you?" Fritz: "Upon entering the bunker, I saluted Heil Hitler."

Another version of the"ideal Aryan"-joke: Blond like Hitler, athletic like Göring, honest like Goebbels, well behaving like Streicher, and chaste like Röhm.

About Joachim von Ribbentrop: Sometimes fictional jokes can’t cope with real life: When the Allies arrested the super-qualified minister of foreign affairs, they found a letter in his coat. It was adressed to "Vincent Churchill."

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agibaer
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Post by agibaer » 24 Nov 2003 20:56

Bout Heß:
Whats a paradoxon?
When in the third reich the second man runs off first.

Hitler had a dream and after he woke up he consulted a pschiatrist:
"Doctor, I saw a field in my dream and on that field there were three cows. One cow was fat one cow was cripples and one cow was blind! Tell me what this means!"
Doctor: "The fat cow, mein Führer, was your Reichsmarschall Göring, the crippled cow was Goebbels, but the blind cow, mein Führer, that is you!"

There are only two kinds of people left in germany:
non-aryans and barb-aryans

robert

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Max
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Post by Max » 25 Nov 2003 07:36

Roderick wrote:From the British press in 1936:

An aryan is tall like Goebbels, slim like Göring, blonde like Hess and heroic like Hitler. :)

regards,

Roderick


Didn't Hitler win an Iron Cross in WWI?

Karl da Kraut wrote:
Shortly after an Anglo-American air raid Hans meets his old friend Fritz. Fritz is severly injuried. Hans: ?Fritz, what happened? Was your bunker hit?? Fritz: ?No.? Hans: "Struck by fragments of debris?" Fritz: "No." Hans: "AA splinters?" Fritz: ?No.? Hans: "What the hell happened to you?" Fritz: "Upon entering the bunker, I saluted Heil Hitler."


Sorry -I don't get it
Max :?

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Max
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Post by Max » 25 Nov 2003 08:26

agibaer wrote:
There are only two kinds of people left in germany:
non-aryans and barb-aryans

robert


Non - aryans and bearded - aryans?

I believe that shaving should only be undertaken by consenting adults in private.
:wink:
Max

CHRISCHA
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Post by CHRISCHA » 25 Nov 2003 10:23

The joke regarding the injured Fritz has the meaning he was beaten up by the other inhabitants of the air-raid shelter for Seig Heiling.

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John W
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Post by John W » 25 Nov 2003 10:26

CHRISCHA wrote:Seig Heiling.
Sieg Heiling or Heil Hitlering ? :P

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agibaer
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Post by agibaer » 25 Nov 2003 10:40

Max wrote:
agibaer wrote:
There are only two kinds of people left in germany:
non-aryans and barb-aryans

robert


Non - aryans and bearded - aryans?

I believe that shaving should only be undertaken by consenting adults in private.
:wink:
Max


:D Thats actually a joke from London Times... barbarians, you know, like Conan :D

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Max
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Post by Max » 25 Nov 2003 11:15

CHRISCHA wrote:The joke regarding the injured Fritz has the meaning he was beaten up by the other inhabitants of the air-raid shelter for Seig Heiling.


Aha!!
Thanks for that [too many pre-dinner reds I suspect]
Max :)

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Major Major
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Jokes in the Third Reich

Post by Major Major » 25 Nov 2003 17:21

Hilderbrand has a lot of good ones. Paraphrasing:

Count Bobby (an Austrian fool) is finally called up. He is certified physically fit for service and asked where he wants to serve. "In the Führer's headquarters," he says.
"Good God, are you insane!?" the doctor says.
"Is that required now?"

Later in the war, a German was called up. He asks the doctor, "Doctor, you're a professional. Which arm of service should I opt for?"
"Which arm did you serve in in the last war?"
"Oh, I wasn't called up then. I was too old."

Hindenburg is sent down from Heaven to try to sort out matters. Fortunately an old friend sees him and says "Herr Generalfeldmarschall, go back quickly! They're going to call up the class of 1847!"

In the final days of Berlin they said that Goebbels was going to step down as Gauleiter of Berlin and be replaced by Rommel, who already knew about deserts.

After the war some people remembered the (apparently apocryphal) story about if an enemy plane appeared over Germany, the Reichsmarshal said he could be called Meyer:
Göring is summoned before the Nürnberg Tribunal, the charges are read out, and he says, "That's a lie! Everybody in Germany knows my name is Meyer!"

And then there was the comment:

Lieber ein Kaiser von Gottes Gnaden
als einen Hitler aus Berchtesgaden.

More or less:
"Better a Kaiser, by God's Grace anointed,
Than Berchtesgaden's Hitler, by himself appointed."

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AHLF
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Post by AHLF » 25 Nov 2003 17:29

1945.
Hitler is walking through Berlin but nobody show salutatory gesture for him.
He is very angry but now see one soldier who raises his hand.

Hitler says - Dear soldier! Nobody salutes me - you are alone, the best patriot in our country! I'll give you rank of the general!!!

Soldier answers - Oh no!!! I just came back from Russia and now i'm showing depth of shit we have got in!!!

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AHLF
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Post by AHLF » 25 Nov 2003 18:30

Aufklarung wrote:My german uncle once told me he had a cousin die in a concentration camp..........he accidently fell from the guard tower!!

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