Jokes in the Third Reich

Discussions on every day life in the Weimar Republic, pre-anschluss Austria, Third Reich and the occupied territories. Hosted by Vikki.
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May 10th 1940
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Post by May 10th 1940 » 25 Nov 2003 19:10

What is the most favorite town in occupied holland to the germans.

Sassenheim = Sa SS en Heim.

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Max
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Post by Max » 26 Nov 2003 07:34

Berlin 1933
A little old jewish gentleman accidentally bumps into a burly S.A.

"SCHWEINHUND!!!" screams the S.A.

"Himmelfarb" replies the l.o.j.g. [ bowing]

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Javier Acuña
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Post by Javier Acuña » 27 Nov 2003 05:17

Hello,

I have a few originals jokes of the III Reich but... in spanish because is in a enciclopedya, Can someone translate this?


You mean an enciclopedia of Nazi related jokes?

The only one that ended up funny after my translations:

Misión Diplomática

En el año 1935 Hitler envía a Von Papen hacia Roma con la misión de ganar al Papa hacia el nacionalsocialismo. El gran diplomático vuelve sin haber logrado nada. Hitler encarga lo mismo a Goebbels, pero éste tampoco logra más que un pequeño donativo para la NSV. Luego encarga a Goering esta importante misión. Y he aqui que a los tres días Hitler recibe el siguiente telegrama: "Misión cumplida. Papa muerto. Vaticano en llamas. Tiara me queda bien. Tu Santo Padre".


In 1935, Hitler sends Von Papen to Rome to win the Pope for the Nazi cause. the great diplomatic comes back with empty hands. Hitler now sends Göbbels, but he only obtains a small gift for the NSV. Then he commends Göring this important mission.
Three days after, Hitlers receives the following telegram:
"Mission Accomplished, the Pope is dead. Vatican in flames. The Tiara suits me. Signed, your Holy Father"

(by the way, the Tiara was the crown the Popes used to wear)



By the way, all the jokes are great, keep posting

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arlovi31
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I don't know if it's from that period but...

Post by arlovi31 » 27 Nov 2003 09:18

Around 1943; Isaac Goldstein, who is hiding in a basement in Berlin since quite a time, finally decide to take a walk in Berlin to see how the city has become and to try to find something to eat. As he is walking, suddenly a car stop near him. Isaac see a man stepping out of the car with his pistol drawn! That person is Hitler and he is screaming at Isaac : "You filthy jew, how dare you walk in Berlin like that you shouldn't be here!". "But Mr Hitler, I was just walking and looking for something to eat...". Hitler then see a dog's shit on the pavement and gesture toward it with his pistol and he says to Isaac "Eat this filthy jew!". Isaac has no choice and bend down and begin reluctantly to eat a little bit of it. Seeing this Hitler laugh so much that he let his pistol fall on the ground. Isaac quickly grab it point it at the führer and tells him "Now it's your turn Mr Hitler, eat!". Hitler has no other choice and he bends down and eat. Isaac then quickly flee back to his hiding, he enter in it and he says to his wife " Shoshana, guess who I had dinner with?..."

English isn't my mother tongue so I hope it is as funny as it is in French!

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arlovi31
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Another one

Post by arlovi31 » 27 Nov 2003 10:54

3 prisoners are talking with one of the guards of the POW camp in 1944. The first one, the American tells the others "If I go up the Empire State Buiding I can see all of New York! New York is really the greatest city in the world". The British says "If I go up Big Ben, I can see all London, isn't that fabulous?", the French then says "I f I go up the Eifel Tower, I can see all Paris! You don't have that in Berlin Fritz!". And Fritz says "In Berlin it's even better : I f I stand on one brick I can see all the city!!!"

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Post by DunklerProphet » 27 Nov 2003 14:38

[DELETED]

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arlovi31
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Post by arlovi31 » 27 Nov 2003 15:03

[DELETED]


I don't find that one very funny. Quite idiotic if you want my 2 cents...

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Post by Kaan Caglar » 27 Nov 2003 15:28

Javier Acuña wrote:In 1935, Hitler sends Von Papen to Rome to win the Pope for the Nazi cause. the great diplomatic comes back with empty hands. Hitler now sends Göbbels, but he only obtains a small gift for the NSV. Then he commends Göring this important mission.
Three days after, Hitlers receives the following telegram:
"Mission Accomplished, the Pope is dead. Vatican in flames. The Tiara suits me. Signed, your Holy Father"

:lol: :lol: :lol: I choose this one the best!
Kaan

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Post by DunklerProphet » 27 Nov 2003 20:21

arlovi31 wrote:
[DELETED]


I don't find that one very funny. Quite idiotic if you want my 2 cents...


You wanted jokes from the Reich, I gave you jokes from the Reich. Why not show the behaviour of the supposed super-humans within their jokes?!

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Marcus
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Post by Marcus » 27 Nov 2003 20:29

DunklerProphet wrote:
arlovi31 wrote:
[DELETED]


I don't find that one very funny. Quite idiotic if you want my 2 cents...


You wanted jokes from the Reich, I gave you jokes from the Reich. Why not show the behaviour of the supposed super-humans within their jokes?!


First you posted neonazi lyrics in the Lounge and now you post a racist (and post-WW2) joke? Any further such nonsense from you will get you kicked out.

/Marcus

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John W
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Re: Another one

Post by John W » 27 Nov 2003 20:54

arlovi31 wrote:3 prisoners are talking with one of the guards of the POW camp in 1944. The first one, the American tells the others "If I go up the Empire State Buiding I can see all of New York! New York is really the greatest city in the world". The British says "If I go up Big Ben, I can see all London, isn't that fabulous?", the French then says "I f I go up the Eifel Tower, I can see all Paris! You don't have that in Berlin Fritz!". And Fritz says "In Berlin it's even better : I f I stand on one brick I can see all the city!!!"
Now THAT was funny :)

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agibaer
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Post by agibaer » 28 Nov 2003 03:17

Max wrote:Berlin 1933
A little old jewish gentleman accidentally bumps into a burly S.A.

"SCHWEINHUND!!!" screams the S.A.

"Himmelfarb" replies the l.o.j.g. [ bowing]


lojg could also mean loghing out jewish gentleman :P

robert

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Totalkrieg
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Post by Totalkrieg » 28 Nov 2003 04:09

AHLF wrote:
1945.
Hitler is walking through Berlin but nobody show salutatory gesture for him.
He is very angry but now see one soldier who raises his hand.

Hitler says - Dear soldier! Nobody salutes me - you are alone, the best patriot in our country! I'll give you rank of the general!!!

Soldier answers - Oh no!!! I just came back from Russia and now i'm showing depth of shit we have got in!!!



LLLLLLOOOOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL

JariL
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Post by JariL » 28 Nov 2003 09:57

Hi,

I believe these were also in the Flüstewitze book in some form:

1945: Mutter Deutschland ist schwer erkrankt. Klein Deutschland ist unterwegs.

(Mother Germany is seriously ill. Small Germany is about to be born)

In January 1945 Hitlers adjutant rushes into the Führers room and tells that he finally has some good news to tell: "Our armies are moving both to the East and to the West. Hitler delighted that his predictions are finally becoming true utters "Can this be true". The adjutant: "Definitely Mein Führer, our armies in the West are advancing to the East and our armies in the East are advancing to the West".

What was the only medal that Göring could not carry? Pour le semite (the yellow David star that Jews were forced to carry).

Göring was discussing with Schacht (head of the Reichsbank) and wondered howcome the Jews were so succesfull businessmen compared to the Germans. Schacht tried to explain but could not get his message through. He decided to give a practical example instead and took Göring out to a German owned shop selling porcelain. There were lots of nice coffee cups available in the shop and Schacht inspected them thoroughly. Then Schacht asked the shopkeeper if he had coffee cups for left handed people. The poor man said that he had never heard of such a thing and that they did not have them. Schacht thanked the man and left the shop with Göring.

Schacht took Göring to an other porcelain shop, owned by a Jew, a couple of blocks away. Again Schacht inspected all the available cups and finally asked the shopkeeper if he had coffee cups for left handed people. The shopkeeper took a long look at Schacht and replied: "But of course, Mein Herr. But these cups are specially made and because of that they cost twice the price of a normal cup." Then the shopkeeper went into the back room, took a cup and turned the cup so that the handle pointed to the left hand side and went back to the counter with the cup. Scahcht nodded aprovingly and bought half a dozen cups and went out with Göring. Once outside, Schacht asked Göring: "Do you now understand?" Göring answered: "Well, as I see it, you have only proven that because Jews have more capital, they can afford to have a larger assortment than Germans."


Finally one joke that probably originates from Estonia from the autumn of 1939 when Soviet Union and Finland were discussing the Soviet proposals that preceeded Winter War.

Finnish delegation had arrived to Moscow for the second time. Mr Paasikivi (head of Finnish delegation) and Soviet foreign minister Molotov had exchanged words for hours already and Stalin, who was also present got fed up with the slow progress. Stalin asked with a loud voice for a telephone and once he got it, phoned somewhere. Stalin spoke wit a low voice so that the Finnish delegates could not hear what he said. The he hang up and returned to the negotiating table. Paasikivi asked Stalin: "May I asked where your excellency called". Stalin replied: "Well, I might as well tell you. I phoned to the Leningrad military district commander and ordered him to double our troops on the Finnish border".

After hearing the answer, Paasikivi asked if he could also make a call. Stalin nodded aprovingly and a telephone was made available to Mr Paasikivi. Paasikivi spoke shortly in the phone and then returned to the negotiationg table. Now it was Stalin's turn to be curious and inquire where Mr Paasikivi had called. "Well, I called to Marshall Mannerheim in his HQ and told him that in my opinion he should see to it that every man gets a second round distributed to their weapons".

(Estonians were well aware of the discrepancy in military power between the two countries. Given what happened in the Winter War, the way we perceive the joke today is very different than it was back then).

Regards,

Jari

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Post by DunklerProphet » 28 Nov 2003 18:26

Marcus Wendel wrote:
DunklerProphet wrote:
arlovi31 wrote:
[DELETED]


I don't find that one very funny. Quite idiotic if you want my 2 cents...


You wanted jokes from the Reich, I gave you jokes from the Reich. Why not show the behaviour of the supposed super-humans within their jokes?!


First you posted neonazi lyrics in the Lounge and now you post a racist (and post-WW2) joke? Any further such nonsense from you will get you kicked out.

/Marcus


Sorry Marcus, but

1. I only posted the lyrics to show what kind of music that is and

2. I got that "joke" from my grandfather who heard it in a POW camp from other German soldiers.

I didn't want to do anything against the posting rules, and if I did in unconciousness, I'm truly sorry.

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